If you’ve decided that the situation is worth getting angry about
and there’s something you can do to make it better, the key is to express your
feelings in a healthy way. When communicated respectfully and channeled
effectively, anger can be a tremendous source of energy and inspiration for
change.
Pinpoint what you’re really angry about
Have you ever gotten into an argument over something silly? Big
fights often happen over something small, like a dish left out or being ten
minutes late. But there’s usually a bigger issue behind it. If you find your
irritation and anger rapidly rising, ask yourself “What am I really angry
about?” Identifying the real source of frustration will help you communicate
your anger better, take constructive action, and work towards a resolution.
Take
five if things get too heated
If your anger seems to be spiraling out of control, remove
yourself from the situation for a few minutes or for as long as it takes you to
cool down. A brisk walk, a trip to the gym, or a few minutes listening to some
music should allow you to calm down, release pent up emotion, and then approach
the situation with a cooler head.
Always
fight fair
It’s okay to be upset at someone, but if you don’t fight fair, the
relationship will quickly break down. Fighting fair allows you to express your
own needs while still respecting others.
Ø Make the relationship your priority. Maintaining and strengthening the
relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first
priority. Be respectful of the other person and his or her viewpoint.
Ø Focus on the present. Once you are in the heat of arguing, it’s
easy to start throwing past grievances into the mix. Rather than looking to the
past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the present to solve the
problem.
Ø Choose your battles. Conflicts can be draining, so it’s
important to consider whether the issue is really worthy of your time and
energy. If you pick your battles rather than fighting over every little thing,
others will take you more seriously when you are upset.
Ø Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re
unwilling or unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to
punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury
by further depleting and draining our lives.
Ø Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement, agree
to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is
going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.
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