While you might feel that you just explode into anger without
warning, in fact, there are physical warning signs in your body. Anger is a
normal physical response. It fuels the “fight or flight” system of the body,
and the angrier you get, the more your body goes into overdrive. Becoming aware
of your own personal signs that your temper is starting to boil allows you to
take steps to manage your anger before it gets out of control.
Pay attention to the way anger feels in your body
Ø Knots in your stomach
Ø Clenching your hands or jaw
Ø Feeling clammy or flushed
Ø Breathing faster
Ø
Headaches
Ø Pacing or needing to walk around
Ø “Seeing red”
Ø Having trouble concentrating
Ø Pounding heart
Ø
Tensing your shoulders
Identify
the negative thought patterns that trigger your temper
You may think that external things—the insensitive actions of
other people, for example, or frustrating situations—are what cause your anger.
But anger problems have less to do with what happens to you than how you
interpret and think about what happened. Common negative thinking patterns that
trigger and fuel anger include:
Ø Over generalizing. For example, “You always interrupt
me. You NEVER consider my needs. EVERYONE disrespects me. I NEVER get the
credit I deserve.”
Ø Obsessing on “shoulds” and “musts.” Having a rigid view of the way things should or
must be and getting angry when reality doesn’t line up with this vision.
Ø Mind reading and jumping to conclusions. Assuming you “know” what someone else is
thinking or feeling—that he or she intentionally upset you, ignored your
wishes, or disrespected you.
Ø Collecting straws. Looking for things to get upset about,
usually while overlooking or blowing past anything positive. Letting these
small irritations build and build until you reach the “final straw” and
explode, often over something relatively minor.
Ø Blaming. When anything bad happens or something goes wrong, it’s
always someone else’s fault. You blame others for the things that happen to you
rather than taking responsibility for your own life.
Avoid people, places, and situations that bring out your worst
Stressful events don’t excuse anger, but understanding how these
events affect you can help you take control of your environment and avoid
unnecessary aggravation. Look at your regular routine and try to identify
activities, times of day, people, places, or situations that trigger irritable
or angry feelings. Maybe you get into a fight every time you go out for drinks
with a certain group of friends. Or maybe the traffic on your daily commute
drives you crazy. Then think about ways to avoid these triggers or view the
situation differently so it doesn’t make your blood boil.
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