Some people seem to instinctively know how to start a
conversation with anyone, in any place, be it a party, bar, health club, the
checkout line, a crowded elevator, or on public transport. If you're not one of
these lucky types, don't despair.Here are some easy ways to engage in conversation with someone
new:
Ø Remark on the surroundings or occasion. If you're at a party, for example, you
could comment on the venue, the catering, or the music in a positive way.
"I love this song," "The food's great. Have you tried the
chicken?" or "That's a great view."
Ø Ask an open-ended question, one that requires
more than just a yes or no answer. Adhere to the journalist's credo and ask a question that
begins with one of the 5 W's (or 1 H): who, where, when, what, why, or how. For
example, "Who do you know here?" "Where do you normally go on a
Friday?" "When did you move here?" "What keeps you
busy?" "Why did you decide to become a vegetarian?" "How is
the wine?" Most people enjoy talking about themselves so asking a question
is a good way to get a conversation started.
Ø Use a compliment. For example, "I really like your
purse, can I ask where you got it?" or "You look like you've done
this before, can you tell where I have to sign in?"
Ø Note anything you have in common and ask a
follow up question. "I play
golf as well, what's your favorite local course?" "My daughter went
to that school, too, how does your son like it?"
Ø Keep the conversation going with small talk. Don't say something that's obviously
provocative and avoid heavy subjects such as politics or religion. Stick to
light subjects like the weather, surroundings, and anything you have in common
such as school, movies, or sports teams.
Ø Listen effectively. Listening is not the same as waiting for
your turn to talk. You can't concentrate on what someone's saying if you're
forming what you're going to say next. One of the keys to effective communication in
any situation is to focus fully on the speaker and show interest in what's
being said. Nod occasionally, smile at the person, and make sure your posture
is open and inviting. Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal cues
like "yes" or "uh huh."
If things don't work out
Don't beat yourself up if the conversation stalls or ends sooner
than you'd like. Not everyone you approach will be receptive to starting a
conversation, let alone becoming friends. Just like dating, meeting new people
inevitably comes with some element of rejection.
Ø Don't take it personally. The other person may be having a bad day
or just not be in the mood to talk.
Ø Don't dwell on the experience. Even if you said something you regret,
for example, it's unlikely that the other person will remember it after a short
time. Stay positive; refrain from labeling yourself a failure, or from telling
yourself that you'll never be able to make friends. Learn from the experience
and try again.
How To Make Friends Tip 3
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