If you’re a parent of a teenage boy
who is angry, aggressive, or violent, you may live in constant fear. Every
phone call or knock on the door could bring news that your son has either been
harmed, or has seriously harmed others.
Teenage girls get angry as well, of
course, but that anger is usually expressed verbally rather than physically.
Teen boys are more likely to throw objects, kick doors, or punch the walls when
they’re angry. Some will even direct their rage towards you. For any parent,
especially single mothers, this can be a profoundly upsetting and unsettling
experience. But you don’t have to live under the threat of violence.
Dealing with angry teens
Anger can be a challenging emotion
for many teens as it often masks other underlying emotions such as frustration,
embarrassment, sadness, hurt, fear, shame, or vulnerability. When teens can’t
cope with these feelings, they may lash out, putting themselves and others at
risk. In their teens, many boys have difficulty recognizing their feelings, let
alone being able to express them or ask for help.
The challenge for parents is to help
your teen cope with emotions and deal with anger in
a more constructive way:
Ø Establish rules and consequences. At a time when both you and your teen are calm, explain
that there’s nothing wrong with feeling anger, but there are unacceptable ways
of expressing it. If your teen lashes out, for example, he or she will have to
face the consequences—loss of privileges or even police involvement. Teens need
rules, now more than ever.
Ø Uncover what’s behind the anger. Is your child sad or depressed? For example, does your
teen have feelings of inadequacy because his or her peers have things that your
child doesn’t? Does your teen just need someone to listen to him or her without
judgment?
Ø Be aware of anger warning signs and triggers. Does your teen get headaches or start to pace before
exploding with rage? Or does a certain class at school always trigger anger?
When teens can identify the warning signs that their temper is starting to
boil, it allows them to take steps to defuse the anger before it gets out of
control.
Ø Help your teen find healthy ways to relieve anger. Exercise, team sports, even simply hitting a punch bag
or a pillow can help relieve tension and anger. Many teens also use art or
writing to creatively express their anger. Dancing or playing along to loud,
angry music can also provide relief.
Ø Give your teen space to retreat. When your teen is angry, allow him or her to retreat
to a place where it’s safe to cool off. Don’t follow your teen and demand
apologies or explanations while he or she is still raging; this will only
prolong or escalate the anger, or even provoke a physical response.
Ø Manage your own anger. You
can’t help your teen if you lose your temper as well. As difficult as it
sounds, you have to remain calm and balanced no matter how much your child
provokes you. If you or other members of your family scream, hit each other, or
throw things, your teen will naturally assume that these are appropriate ways
to express his or her anger as well.
Red flags for violent behavior in
teens
It only takes a glance at the news
headlines to know that teen violence is a growing problem. Movies and TV shows
glamorize all manner of violence, many web sites promote extremist views that
call for violent action, and hour after hour of playing violent video games can
desensitize teens to the real world consequences of aggression and violence. Of
course, not every teen exposed to violent content will become violent, but for
a troubled teen who is emotionally damaged or suffering from mental health
problems, the consequences can be tragic.
Warning signs that a teen may become
violent include:
Ø Playing with weapons of any kind
Ø Obsessively playing violent video games, watching violent
movies, or visiting websites that promote or glorify violence
Ø Threatening or bullying others
Ø Fantasizing about acts of violence he’d like to commit
Ø Being violent or cruel to pets or other animals
No comments:
Post a Comment